I've been thinking...

Hello my long lost readers. I'm sorry I fell off the face of the planet but I figured now would be a great time to give you a piece of my wandering mind.

Lately I've been pretty lost. Unsure of what to do about a number of situations in my life. And even more, I've been thinking about what I want. I don't mean the petty things. I mean, REALLY, want. I'll let you in on a little secret...

I want to be a wife.

Yep. You read that right. I want to be a wife. Not because my sister got married recently (which was beautiful and is also a great example of a happy, healthy relationship) but because I sincerely want to be a wife to a husband. I want to be a someone to a someone. I want to be his companion and his best friend. I want to buy a house--Okay let's be real, rent an apartment-- and fill the home with love and happiness. And I want to make him a great meal that he can come home to. I want to have talks with him and I want to watch movies with him.

I want to follow him in every decision in life and he his strongest supporter.

And I want him to tell me every single day how beautiful I am and how much he loves me. Not because I want to hear it, but because he can't help but tell me. I want to live day by day knowing that my husband is the only man for me, aside from God. And I want my husband to cherish the time he has with me as much as I will cherish the time I have with him. I want him to know what he has when he looks at me.

I want to be a wife people!

Maybe I'm crazy and setting my expectations too high. But I know that I want to be loved deeper than the ocean. I also have a lot of love to give, and I want to use it!

So. If you're reading this, don't hesitate to propose! I'm just hangin around.

But in the meantime, I suppose I'll just write a song about it :)

Hope all is well in your life, who ever you are.

KJ

Let's do it to it Lars.

Look at how well I'm doing!!!

Hello :)

I'm so overly thrilled at the fact that I am DONE with college!!!!!...for the semester. I can not begin to tell you how relieved I am to be done and have a break from test taking. I'm sure many of you get the idea. College is quite the pain. But I'm living and loving every minute of it.

Okay. So not every minute but the majority of them!

I know I've been saying I would go down my little list I made a while back about topics. But for some reason I don't want to. And there are no rules to say I have to follow my list. So I won't :)

This blog is going to be about my best friend in the entire world. I'm serious. Aside from God, this person is my hero. She know what to say and when to say it. Sometimes I don't want to hear it, but she tells me anyway. She is a woman of God and knows how to be a role model for me.

She is my sister, Jordan.

Jordan is absolutely one of the greatest people you will ever meet. She is by far the funniest person I know. She also is the most intimidating person I know. She knows what she wants and nothing will stand in her way!

This first semester of college has been a very big struggle for me faith wise. I've been so focussed on school and my education that I lost sigh of the thing most important in my life and that is God. My parents' divorce was also very hard on me. I felt very alone and hurt. Jordan was my solid ground. I turned to her when I didn't know who else to turn to.

You may be wondering why she is such a hero in my life.

Well.

The words that come out of my sisters mouth are such an inspiration to me. She's only 21 and I feel as though I'm talking to a 27 year old. I know that whatever life throws my way, she'll be there to help me stand my ground.

She also has THE best style in clothes and taste in music. And you would not believe how much of an incredible artist she is. The things that woman can draw astound me. Not only that, her creativity is something I envy greatly.

George (aka Jordan) is getting married in April to a man who I believe is the epitome of man. And while that saddens me to be losing a bit of my best friend, I could not be happier for her that she found her soul mate.

Jordan is the biggest inspiration in my life. And I don't tell her that enough.

Yes we fight and sometimes it is very brutal. But I love her more than words could express. She is the best friend I could EVER have.

I love my sister.

And even her little demon Dog..

Til next time

KJ

Your Hands

Hello all,

I have quite a bit of weight on my shoulders today. Weight and worry.

Yes, I know. My last blog was all mighty and I made myself out to sound like I wasn't going to worry about the future. But I failed at that.

I'm sure when I ask this, many of you will nod wildly at your computer screen (or so I hope..)

But..

Do you ever feel like you aren't where you're supposed to be? Or you question if you should be somewhere else?

*que wild head nod*

This week has been such a challenge for me. And while many students would drop out of their major, I had the opposite reaction. I want to keep going. I want to do more. I LOVE MY MAJOR. Yes, it is the worlds biggest pain when I can't decipher a minor 6th to a major 3rd. But I know that at some point it will come naturally to me.

I sing. That is what I do. God gave me a gift to sing and that's all I want to do for the rest of my life. Whether it be singing on a huge stage on Broadway, or on a low budget stage for a community somewhere. I want to use my gift that God granted me.

However.

What if I'm supposed to be somewhere else using my gift? Some place bigger? A different school? Or what if my gift entails me to do music ministry? I know I don't have all the answers and nor should I right now. I have just been feeling very curious lately. And no matter how hard I pray and ask God to lead me, I feel stumped.

Typical Kal.

The bible verse "Be still and know I am God" keeps running through my head as I type this. But I still find it a struggle for me to just let go. I guess that's the issue we deal with as humans.

I hope those of you who are going through this same feeling find your answer. I'll pray you do.

Just know that at the end of the day, God isn't going to lead us astray. I have a hard time remembering that myself. But I know it's true.

Psalm 23.

KJ

College Shmollege

Welp. It's official.
COLLEGE IS HARD.
I know you are all probably laughing at me thinking "duh". But I honestly did not expect college to be this challenging. Of course I knew it would be difficult but not once did I think I would cry for hours on end over a stupid test that won't matter to me in a few years, or even a few months.
Which brings me to my next rant.
Why must exams be such a huge deal? They literally do NO GOOD for anyone. I can't even explain to you all of the things wrong with me because of stress. I have literally worried myself sick. I have also successfully, and unwillingly, bitten off all of my finger nails. My lips are also red and cracked from biting them with worry. Gross right? Yeah, I know.

I don't mean to be a complainer. Honest. I really enjoy college. The people are great and most of my professors are wonderful. I just can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that one exam either causes you to pass or fail a class. I can honestly say for myself that I do fabulous in class. I participate. I ask questions. I do what a "good/normal" student does. So why am I such an awful test taker? Why do I freeze up and go blank? I study for hours and for what? To choke because of a silly piece of paper sitting on my desk? Riddle me that people!!

If there is one thing I have learned from all of this, however, is that God is in control. Granted, I have not felt that way this week. In fact, I even doubted a few times that he was actually present. I know it's crazy talk but I felt so alone and scared so rather than trust, I just panicked and took it all up on my shoulders. I've come to the realization though that God has a plan. Just because a test didn't go the way I wanted it to, doesn't mean my world is going to fall apart (thank you mother). I also learned that if I worry about the entire weeks stresses, rather than just the days, it's considered sin. I was reading my sister's blog the other day and it was a sign from God. She was talking about being stressed and how if we worry about the entire week rather than just the day, we are committing a sin because we aren't having faith in God that he will get us through.
I do believe God will carry me through all of this hurt and chaos in my life right now. I'm just slowly learning.

On a happier note, I have been absolutely OBSESSED with Florence & The Machine. Well. I've always been obsessed. But I was reminded of their music recently and I fell in love all over again. "Cosmic Love" has been on repeat for the past hour. I'm telling you, I have an addiction.
Along with her beautiful music, my sister showed me the band The Lower Lights and they too have been on repeat for the past couple of days. If you find you're stressing out, take a listen. I guarantee you will feel better.
My prayers go out to those of you who have finals this week.
(I will also gladly accept any prayers for my last 3 finals)

"Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me" -Psalm 23:4

KJ

P.S.

Listen to the song "Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus". Immediate calming :)

http://thelowerlights.com/music/

C.S. Lewis Song

Hello once again.
(Note the title: If you haven't heard it yet, I HIGHLY suggest you go to youtube, type the title in and the author is Brooke Fraser. You will not be let down. I promise.)

I'm fully aware that I have a huge procrastination problem so no need to remind me! I apologize to those of you who actually read this that I'm so behind. Music majors, I've realized, have no life! But you get what you get haha.
Alright. I'm going to go a little out of order of my list I made last time. I know, I know. I'm a mess. But at least I've found time to write anything at all right? Right. So with that being said, I'd like to address the topic of friends. One of the greatest, and sometimes worst, things life could hand us in college.

First semester of college for me wasn't a huge adjustment. I knew people at the University before I even got there so I already had connections. Lucky me right? I made the BEST of friends with a small group of people from my show choir and was under the impression for months that I'd never ever find better friends. While that may hold true for most of them, I've found that college can either make or break you when it comes to friends. Now I'm not saying I have bad friends by ANY means so if you're my friend and reading this, stop pouting because that isn't what I'm saying! What I'm saying is, college has a way of smacking you in the face. Rather than lean on God during the first year of college, most students lean on friends to get them through. Now while that may be semi true, friends aren't supposed to be our everything. God is. We are given friends to help us along the way and keep us in line. And as I've found, the majority of my fabulous friends have done so for me.
I suppose this blog is a little out there and probably isn't make the most sense right now. But I guess what I'm trying to say is, is that God has really, I mean REALLY, opened up my eyes this year.
My parents' divorce has led me in some pretty sticky situations and it's been God that's led me out of them. Not only them, but my friends who are there who keep me in check. I know I would be lost without my friends by my side telling me "Hey it's okay Kal. You're living". And they are right. I am living. It may be pouring but, right now rather than looking at the flood, I'm watching each drop fall into it's place because I know at some point, the rain will stop and there will be beauty.
Okay so I know it's corny but that seems to be the only thing that make sense right now :)

And as a side note, God puts people into our lives to teach us lessons. I've learned many so far. And to be quite honest, I'm a little scared about what else is going to teach me. These lessons aren't always the happiest. But I know I'm growing. I hope you all are growing just as much in your life. If not, let me know. I'm all about ears these days. Ear training will be the death of me this semester!!!

With love
KJ

My deepest apologies

Well. It has been, literally, months since I have written on this. I am sorry for those of you who actually pay attention. My life has been pretty hectic these last couple of months. I feel as though I won't fit it into this one blog, however. So I may be doing volumes. But for now, I'll give you the brief.

July
July was very boring for me. I did take quite a few trips to Omaha though. I love my friends there. Clarisse Thomsen being my primary heart and soul of Omaha. She is one of the best friends you could ever ask for.

August
Auggy was a bit more exciting. I went to Colorado with my mom, sister, and grandma. It was one of THE best trips I have ever taken. God really blessed me with showing me his beauty in the world. Nature, clearly, is proof that God exists.
At the end of August, I got my big girl pants, and moved to college.
I can't even begin to describe the thrill I felt of moving.
Yes I miss my parents and my sister, and most importantly, my dog Chloe. But I love being here at college.
I love the atmosphere and the independence.
It was scary at first but I couldn't be happier.
I am a pledge of Chi Omega and that has been the best thing that has happened to be since I have been at college. The girls at the house are SO much fun and I love being around them. There will be a more in depth blog to come about Chi O, Big Red Singers, and other events that have happened since we've last chatted. Don't you worry :)
As for now, thought, I must finish my laundry and then get some sleep.
College really knows how to rob you of your precious sleep time if you aren't careful!

I'm going to do my best to keep up with this blog. Maybe if I make a list, I'll be more likely to finish!
1. Colorado
2. College transition
3. Big Red Singers
4. My roomie
5. Chi Omega
6. New friends (and renewed friendships)
7. My beautiful sister and her rock (Oh yeah, she's engaged!!)

Until then,
Kali Jean

I'm backkkkk

Hello again!
I am finally back from NYC..Well actually, I've been back. I've just been lazy and haven't posted a new bloggy.

Anyway. New York was amazing, as I expected it would be. I got to meet Corbin Bleu. For those of you who don't know who that is..google him ha. He is a beautiful person.
We did a lot in the big apple so I won't bore you with my agenda of the days. But the main reason we went was to sing in Carnegie Hall, which I mentioned in the last blog. It was absolutely AMAZING. Words literally cannot describe being in the hall. The best part though, was that I got the solo I wanted.
Let me break this down for you.
There was one solo out of the 7 songs we had. And it was a soprano solo..very high notes. One soprano was going to get the opportunity to SING A SOLO IN CARNEGIE HALL. And they picked me.

I almost pee'd my pants.
It was truly an experience I will be greatful for for the rest of my life. I mean, I stood where famous people stood. Kind of mind blowing.

The whole trip itself was so inspiring. It really made me want to be in New York some day. Not just live there, but be on Broadway. I know it sounds like a crazy idea. But what's living if you don't dream? And what's a dream without action? Just a dream. So, I've decided to go for it. Even if it never works out, at least I can say I tried.
I have a feeling this may take a while..

KJ