Let's do it to it Lars.

Look at how well I'm doing!!!

Hello :)

I'm so overly thrilled at the fact that I am DONE with college!!!!!...for the semester. I can not begin to tell you how relieved I am to be done and have a break from test taking. I'm sure many of you get the idea. College is quite the pain. But I'm living and loving every minute of it.

Okay. So not every minute but the majority of them!

I know I've been saying I would go down my little list I made a while back about topics. But for some reason I don't want to. And there are no rules to say I have to follow my list. So I won't :)

This blog is going to be about my best friend in the entire world. I'm serious. Aside from God, this person is my hero. She know what to say and when to say it. Sometimes I don't want to hear it, but she tells me anyway. She is a woman of God and knows how to be a role model for me.

She is my sister, Jordan.

Jordan is absolutely one of the greatest people you will ever meet. She is by far the funniest person I know. She also is the most intimidating person I know. She knows what she wants and nothing will stand in her way!

This first semester of college has been a very big struggle for me faith wise. I've been so focussed on school and my education that I lost sigh of the thing most important in my life and that is God. My parents' divorce was also very hard on me. I felt very alone and hurt. Jordan was my solid ground. I turned to her when I didn't know who else to turn to.

You may be wondering why she is such a hero in my life.

Well.

The words that come out of my sisters mouth are such an inspiration to me. She's only 21 and I feel as though I'm talking to a 27 year old. I know that whatever life throws my way, she'll be there to help me stand my ground.

She also has THE best style in clothes and taste in music. And you would not believe how much of an incredible artist she is. The things that woman can draw astound me. Not only that, her creativity is something I envy greatly.

George (aka Jordan) is getting married in April to a man who I believe is the epitome of man. And while that saddens me to be losing a bit of my best friend, I could not be happier for her that she found her soul mate.

Jordan is the biggest inspiration in my life. And I don't tell her that enough.

Yes we fight and sometimes it is very brutal. But I love her more than words could express. She is the best friend I could EVER have.

I love my sister.

And even her little demon Dog..

Til next time

KJ

Your Hands

Hello all,

I have quite a bit of weight on my shoulders today. Weight and worry.

Yes, I know. My last blog was all mighty and I made myself out to sound like I wasn't going to worry about the future. But I failed at that.

I'm sure when I ask this, many of you will nod wildly at your computer screen (or so I hope..)

But..

Do you ever feel like you aren't where you're supposed to be? Or you question if you should be somewhere else?

*que wild head nod*

This week has been such a challenge for me. And while many students would drop out of their major, I had the opposite reaction. I want to keep going. I want to do more. I LOVE MY MAJOR. Yes, it is the worlds biggest pain when I can't decipher a minor 6th to a major 3rd. But I know that at some point it will come naturally to me.

I sing. That is what I do. God gave me a gift to sing and that's all I want to do for the rest of my life. Whether it be singing on a huge stage on Broadway, or on a low budget stage for a community somewhere. I want to use my gift that God granted me.

However.

What if I'm supposed to be somewhere else using my gift? Some place bigger? A different school? Or what if my gift entails me to do music ministry? I know I don't have all the answers and nor should I right now. I have just been feeling very curious lately. And no matter how hard I pray and ask God to lead me, I feel stumped.

Typical Kal.

The bible verse "Be still and know I am God" keeps running through my head as I type this. But I still find it a struggle for me to just let go. I guess that's the issue we deal with as humans.

I hope those of you who are going through this same feeling find your answer. I'll pray you do.

Just know that at the end of the day, God isn't going to lead us astray. I have a hard time remembering that myself. But I know it's true.

Psalm 23.

KJ

College Shmollege

Welp. It's official.
COLLEGE IS HARD.
I know you are all probably laughing at me thinking "duh". But I honestly did not expect college to be this challenging. Of course I knew it would be difficult but not once did I think I would cry for hours on end over a stupid test that won't matter to me in a few years, or even a few months.
Which brings me to my next rant.
Why must exams be such a huge deal? They literally do NO GOOD for anyone. I can't even explain to you all of the things wrong with me because of stress. I have literally worried myself sick. I have also successfully, and unwillingly, bitten off all of my finger nails. My lips are also red and cracked from biting them with worry. Gross right? Yeah, I know.

I don't mean to be a complainer. Honest. I really enjoy college. The people are great and most of my professors are wonderful. I just can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that one exam either causes you to pass or fail a class. I can honestly say for myself that I do fabulous in class. I participate. I ask questions. I do what a "good/normal" student does. So why am I such an awful test taker? Why do I freeze up and go blank? I study for hours and for what? To choke because of a silly piece of paper sitting on my desk? Riddle me that people!!

If there is one thing I have learned from all of this, however, is that God is in control. Granted, I have not felt that way this week. In fact, I even doubted a few times that he was actually present. I know it's crazy talk but I felt so alone and scared so rather than trust, I just panicked and took it all up on my shoulders. I've come to the realization though that God has a plan. Just because a test didn't go the way I wanted it to, doesn't mean my world is going to fall apart (thank you mother). I also learned that if I worry about the entire weeks stresses, rather than just the days, it's considered sin. I was reading my sister's blog the other day and it was a sign from God. She was talking about being stressed and how if we worry about the entire week rather than just the day, we are committing a sin because we aren't having faith in God that he will get us through.
I do believe God will carry me through all of this hurt and chaos in my life right now. I'm just slowly learning.

On a happier note, I have been absolutely OBSESSED with Florence & The Machine. Well. I've always been obsessed. But I was reminded of their music recently and I fell in love all over again. "Cosmic Love" has been on repeat for the past hour. I'm telling you, I have an addiction.
Along with her beautiful music, my sister showed me the band The Lower Lights and they too have been on repeat for the past couple of days. If you find you're stressing out, take a listen. I guarantee you will feel better.
My prayers go out to those of you who have finals this week.
(I will also gladly accept any prayers for my last 3 finals)

"Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me" -Psalm 23:4

KJ

P.S.

Listen to the song "Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus". Immediate calming :)

http://thelowerlights.com/music/